The UK are now officially the fattest knackers in Europe. It’s embarrassing don’t you think. It now means that our trusted fallback of ‘yeah but we did win the second world war’ whenever any country in Europe dares to take the piss out of us can be countered by any European, including Germans – especially Germas by a simple ‘fuck you, you fat wanker’. I mean if I was German I’d come here for a holiday and drive around in a car shouting ‘Oi fatty!, ya for sure I am talking to you, your obese, look at you, you make me sick you fat fuck’ You have to imagine this scene in a German accent obviously. Thing is they’s have very right to do this. We’ve let ourselves go.
There is of course a road out and on to redemption – you know what I’m going to say right. A mostly vegetable based diet! Kale not cakes! That needs to be our battle cry. The next war won’t be fought on the beaches, it will be fought on the couches. Kale not cakes! Kale not cakes! Kale not cakes!